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EDITORIAL: Facing dilemmas and implementing change
February 26, 2014 · 0 Comments
When you have big decisions to make in your life, how do you handle it?
For me, I tend to withdraw within, separating myself from the unnecessary and reflecting on my situation until an obvious, or forced, answer results.
Praying for signs from above, or the universe to open a pathway in front of me, I often dread making big decisions, which in turn means I’m often left stuck with the consequence of indecision.
I’m currently reading the book ‘Always Change a Losing Game’. The title of the book, a play on words from the sporting world, drew me in. Just the word ‘change’ alone was the subject matter I needed to read up on.
Change is difficult for everyone – especially people who don’t like change (lol). I currently have three major life decisions I am processing. All involve change and all are linked together by just a few degrees of separation. By changing one, or all of my situations, there will be a trickle-down affect – a ripple – into many areas of my life. I am being vague because I do not want my personal dilemmas made public, but I do want to discuss the process used to determine: a. When does one know a change is necessary; b. How you go about implementing said change; c. How far do you go without risking a ‘Jenga’, or toppling, affect.
I have thought about the easiest route to determine the answers I so desire. Prayer is my first resource. But for me, prayer is difficult. I often get distracted, or my thoughts wander and I realize that I am no longer praying, but instead making a grocery or ‘things to do’ list in my head. Meditation is another way to achieve answers. Again, it is very loud in my head, making mediation a chore – this is an area I could focus more on, but I don’t. Consulting with a psychic is another way. This method, quite different from the first two options, has always intrigued me. I can’t say I know any psychics, and have no idea what they would cost. Plus, I believe that they only focus on ‘generalizations’ and when you need the specifics, that just won’t do. I have also considered psychotherapy as an option. Sometimes, starting from the beginning to explain how you’ve arrive at your current predicament sounds exhausting. I tried group therapy a few years back, and that wasn’t for me either (the large group of people who gathered weekly seemed to have much larger problems than myself – dealing with murdered loved ones, etc. – and I felt out of place). I also tried counselling, which could have been effective, but talking to someone once a month on a timer set for an hour doesn’t accomplish much.
If I were a teenager I’d have a guidance counsellor to talk to. If I were a child, I’d have a parent to guide me. As the parent of youngsters, I can easily steer the lives of my children – seeing clearly what they must do to achieve their goals and better themselves. But I am no longer a child, and the parent I trusted is deceased.
Where does this leave people like myself? A life coach can be an option (if you have the money and the time), but otherwise as adults, we’re on our own. And, because our decisions always affect our children, we usually remain stagnant, knowing a change is necessary but not having the resources to affect that change, or the understanding of how the change will affect your destiny.
When I visualize making a change – especially a dramatic one – I am standing on a cliffs edge. The mountain and my surroundings are gray but my wings are multi-coloured. I leap without fear, not knowing where I will land, and not really caring at the time. I feel elated and free. The dream sequence ends there. This tells me that the journey ahead isn’t as important as the launch. Perhaps this is why I am failing to launch in my life. The jump is just a fantasy, but the predictability and stability of the solid earth under my feet keeps me planted. I’m not afraid of losing, or falling, or failing – that’s not what holds me back. I’m a survivor, and I know I will always bounce back. When I break it all down, it must be laziness. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me. My inability to act stems from my refusal to take that step forward. The consequences of my inaction cannot be measured – who knows what I’m missing out on – but the consequences of any action I could take seem too overwhelming to deal with.
Change: necessary, needed, not happening. Hmm.
By Wendy Gabrek
